Frequently Asked Questions about Weddings


1.       We do not regularly attend a Church or Parish in the area, and I cannot find a Priest or minister who will marry us. Being married in the church means a lot to us. What can we do?
There are several options. Most Roman Catholic parishes, and many other churches, will require that you have at least some connection to it before they allow you to marry there. If you are open to doing so, seek out a church or parish where you feel comfortable, meet with the pastor and explain that you would like to join the parish and have plans to marry. If you now live in another area and are active in a parish there, ask your local priest to connect you to a parish near where you want to marry. If you still have parents or relatives living in this area who belong to a parish, ask them to speak to their priest about your request.

All Catholics who approach a priest for a sacrament, or help of any kind should, be welcomed and listened to with kindness. If you do not feel you are being welcomed or treated kindly by your local priest or parish, I assure you that I will treat you with kindness and acceptance – non-judgmentally. .
2.       One of us is (or both of us are) divorced and we do not wish to use the annulment process. Our priest has told us that we cannot be married in the church. Can you help us?
Unlike the Roman Catholic Church, other Catholic Churches (such as the Episcopal Church and Eastern Orthodox Churches) teach that second marriages may be blessed.  I believe that the sacred bond that is formed in the Sacrament of Marriage is a living bond, capable of growth and maturity, requiring the care and sustenance of both parties to the marriage. Humanity has been redeemed in Christ Jesus, and in Jesus’ Resurrection we know death to be conquered, sin to be forgiven, and the chance for New Life given to all.  

Unfortunately, for many reasons (some good and some not so good), marriages sometimes fail. If God again sends love into you life after a failed marriage - I believe that new love is a sign of hope, and gives you a second chance to journey through life with a beloved other. I welcome divorced people who want to marry again as loved children of God who deserve a second chance to enter a loving union with another. I will gladly bless your second marriage in the name of God’s people.
3.       If you witness our marriage will it be legal in the eyes of the state? Will the Church recognize our marriage?

 I am an ordained Catholic priest. I left ministry in the Bureaucratic Church in 1990, but have been called back to ministry by CITI Ministries, a lay Catholic organization. Because of that call, I am a recognized minister in good standing with the International Council of Community Churches (ICCC). I am recognized by every state in the nation to officiate at wedding ceremonies, and to engage in other ministry. Since I am a minister of religion, your marriage will be legal in the eyes of the state. I have celebrated weddings in New York (state and city), New Jersey, Connecticut, Vermont, and Massachusetts.
The International Council of Community Churches and all other Christian denominations will recognize your marriage. Because I am no longer ministering within the Roman bureaucracy, however, I lack jurisdiction from that organization to witness marriages on its behalf. Your wedding will be a ceremony in the Catholic tradition and performed in accord with state law. It will be recognized as legal by the state. It is recognized by the Catholic Church understood as the 'People of God.' If you wish, you may seek organizational approval from the bureaucratic church through the process called convalidation. The Roman bureaucratic Church requires that its members follow the "form" of marriage as established by Canon Law (i.e., you must be married according to the rules and custom laid out in Canon Law). Couples I marry are not following the form of Roman Catholic Canon Law, so the Roman Catholic Church Hierarchy considers these marriages illicit and will not recognize them as sacramental.
4.       We want to be married in an outdoor ceremony but our priest will only take part in a service in the church. Will you perform an outdoor ceremony?

 Yes, I will be happy to perform your ceremony at a reception hall, home, or other appropriate setting, inside or outside (this is also contrary to the Roman Catholic form of marriage set out in Canon Law - man makes buildings, God makes nature, so go figure).
5. Will you perform ecumenical, interfaith, or non-denominational marriages, or gay commitment services?

Yes, as long as you ask God’s blessing on your marriage or commitment to each other, I will be happy, and privileged, to help you. I frequently celebrate with rabbis and ministers of other Christian denominations. I don not, however, officiate at civil (non-religious) ceremonies.

6, What does it cost to 'rent' you to officiate at a wedding?

Despite the name of the CITI Webpage (rentapriest.com), priests are not for rent. I do, however, request a stipend (donation) to compensate for the time I spend away from my family, and to defray the expenses I incur in planning, preparing and celebrating a wedding ceremony.

This is not a fee for services rendered. This may sound like a fine point, but this is in ministry, not business. It is an offering made to respect the time and energy I expend with you and for you as we prepare for your wedding. The usual offering given by couples $550 - and if the wedding is in NY City, $600, to cover the expense of parking and tolls). The offering covers all meetings and planning sessions - regardless of their number. Some couples like to meet often, others need to plan with me from remote locations and meet infrequently. It's up to you how often we get together. On average, though, we will meet three times before the wedding, not including a rehearsal.
What about Rehearsals? Most wedding venues have professionals to choreograph your rehearsal and you won't need me there. I am available to consult with these professionals, and to speak with them by phone on the day of the rehearsal at no cost. If you want me to be physically present at your rehearsal on any day other than the day of the wedding itself, I will make every effort to be with you. It is often very difficult for me to schedule weekday rehearsals since, because of my own work schedule; I often have to take the day off. Consequently there may be an additional charge for rehearsals if you want me there (only if I have to take a day off from work, or if travel to and from the rehearsal is extensive).
When do we pay you? Unless we agree to another arrangement, please make a deposit of $250 when you reserve your date on my calendar. (This is important, since couples have, from time to time, disappeared after meeting me once or twice – and I have turned others away while reserving a the date for them). The balance is due a month before your wedding. There is a Wedding Agreement in the "Download Forms" section of this website - you can download it, fill it in as appropriate, and mail it to me (or give it to me) when you decide you'd like me to officiate at your wedding.

What if this is more than I can afford?

This is a ministry, and no couple should feel that they shouldn’t call me simply because of the cost. If the offering listed above is beyond your means please let me know, we’ll work something out. I will turn no one away because they can't afford the 'usual' offering.

What’s most important to me is that you have God’s blessing at your service, and that you feel His love in your hearts and in your marriage.

7.       What about other Sacraments that you celebrate, are they recognized by the Church?


 They are recognized by the International Council of Community Churches and by some other Christian Traditions. The Roman Catholic Church would consider them "valid but illicit." Consequently, were you to come to me for the sacrament of reconciliation, for example, the church would consider your sins to have been forgiven – but would consider our celebration of that sacrament illegal. The same would hold for the Eucharist.
8. Where’s Christ in all this?

The good Lord admonished his disciples not to lay heavy burdens on other peoples shoulders, and taught that they should be free of the law – so that the spirit of God could reign in their hearts. When the disciples complained that others were curing in the Lord’s name – he reminded them that ‘those who are not against us are with us.’ And perhaps most telling of all, Jesus ate and drank with outcasts – tax collectors, sinners, and lepers - much to the chagrin of the religious authority of his day.
Catholicism – one of the great trunks of the Christian tradition – is bigger than the institution that has evolved around it. Catholicism is more than its corporate structure. It's more than the bishops – though we ought to respect them. It is more than the Pope, though he has claim on our loving attention. Popes, bishops, and priests may be the ones with legal title to the buildings, but they are just people. They can be woefully mistaken, or even malfeasant, as just a glance at recent headlines reminds us.
We are the Church -- you and I – the people of God. The church is the spirit within each of our hearts; it is our own holiness and evolving spirituality. It is our journey together – and on that journey each one of us has the right to feel welcomed at the Lord’s Table, where we recognize Him in the breaking of bread. Each has a right to God’s blessing in our great moments of happiness and sadness – at our weddings and at the loss of our loved ones, in our own sickness and death. Each has a right to receive help on the journey from those called to be helpers and guides in the way of the Gospel. Isn't that what the priesthood is all about, being a wise and helpful guide on the journey of the soul to God?
When the hierarchy loses its way – as it has from time to time throughout history – it is incumbent on the rest of us to claim our rights and assume our responsibility as members of each other – the Body of Christ.
If you are alienated from the corporate church, you need not be alienated from your Catholicism. The Church – though not its current leaders – welcomes you just as you are. It welcomes you in your second marriages, it welcomes you if you are gay, and it welcomes you if you are burdened down with some unspeakable guilt or shame. It welcomes you in His name, the one who has never ceased loving you – not even during the times when you felt farthest from Him.